Comforting a Scared Dog Does Not Reinforce Fear
“Is it ok to comfort my dog when he’s acting scared? Or am I reinforcing the fear?”. I hear this question often, and it is a very fair one to ask. As a professional trainer, I’m always telling my clients to reward behavior that they want to see more of. But I want to reassure you that comforting your dog when they are scared is highly unlikely to reinforce the behavior.
A Quick Note on Words: Throughout this post, I use the words “reward” and “reinforce”. While at first glance, they might seem interchangeable, the distinction between them matters. A reward is anything that a learner finds desirable or enjoyable. However, a reward only becomes a reinforcer if it actually increases the likelihood that the behavior it follows will happen again under similar circumstances.
To explore this, it helps to imagine a human example that closely mirrors what many dogs experience at the veterinary clinic. Pretend you are at the dentist and they hold up equipment you are unfamiliar with. It looks sharp and intimidating. They are speaking in a language you do not understand. You tense up, your voice gets tight, and you try to pull your head away from the oncoming hands. Now imagine that a partner or friend is in the room. They place a hand on your shoulder, say “it’s ok, I’m here with you”.
Does that comfort make you more likely to tense up during your next appointment? Unlikely. You tensed because you were scared and uncomfortable. The support may help you settle, or it may have no noticeable effect, but it does not reinforce your fear-based reaction. In other words, the offered comfort has little impact on whether you would react this same way in a similar future situation.
This is an example from a human’s perspective and some might argue that we shouldn’t anthropomorphize our companion animals. It is true that we should be thoughtful and aware of this. But fear and relief operate similarly across mammals (and many other animals), so we also need to be careful not to fall into anthropodenial. Sometimes we treat animals as if they are emotionless or purely mechanical, when their emotional experiences and need for social support matter deeply.
When Behavior Is Emotionally Driven
One reason this topic is so confusing is that very different situations can look similar on the surface. A behavior that is used intentionally to get something and a behavior that comes from an emotional response can look almost identical, but they function very differently.
Think about a three year old having a tantrum. Sometimes children scream and cry because they want something specific, like a candy bar or a toy. In that case, giving them what they want during the tantrum can reinforce the behavior. But other times, the tantrum is not about getting anything at all. The child is overtired, overstimulated, no longer able to regulate their emotions. In those moments, picking the child up, speaking softly, or helping them settle is not reinforcing the tantrum. It is supporting a nervous system that is past its limits.
Now consider a dog who growls, barks, or freezes at the veterinary clinic. The dog is not growling to obtain comfort or a treat. The dog is acting this way because they are scared. The behavior exists to create distance from the scary thing or make it stop, not to earn attention. Comfort does not function as a reinforcer here because the behavior was never about getting attention in the first place.
This is where the ABC model of behavior helps clarify what is happening. ABC stands for antecedent, behavior, and consequence. Antecedents are anything in the environment that trigger a behavior. They can be external, like a loud noise, a stranger approaching, the presence of veterinary equipment, or internal, like pain, fatigue, or fear. Behavior is what the individual does in response. Consequences are what happen after the behavior, and they can influence whether that behavior is likely to repeat in the same circumstances.
In the candy bar example, the immediate antecedent is seeing the candy, the behavior is the tantrum, and the consequence is receiving the candy. The behavior works to get the child their intended outcome, so it is reinforced. In the tired toddler example, the antecedent is exhaustion or overwhelm, the behavior is the tantrum, and the consequence is support. That support does not reinforce tantruming because it does not make future tantrums more likely. The tantrum is not an effective strategy for obtaining rest or regulation. Instead, the adult’s support helps the child calm and meet the underlying need, which reduces the likelihood of continued or repeated tantrums.
The same logic applies to fear based behavior in dogs. The antecedent is the scary stimulus. Fear is the emotional response, and barking, growling, freezing, or lunging are defensive behaviors that follow. Comfort does not reinforce fear because the dog is not performing the behavior to get attention. The dog is reacting to escape or avoid something frightening. Offering calm support will not make your dog more likely to act afraid in the future, and it may help your dog feel safer in your presence.
How You Show Up Matters: It is also important to pay attention to how we show up in these moments. Dogs are very good at reading our body language and picking up on our emotions. If you notice your own heart rate increasing, your breath getting shallow, or your reassurance turning into rapid repetition, your dog may pick up on that tension. Take a moment to slow your breathing, soften your posture, and remind yourself that you are safe. This helps you offer the kind of calm support that is most likely to help your dog.
Common Practical Questions
What about using treats with scared dogs?
Treats are one of our most potent tools to help fearful dogs. Just because the function of the behavior of the dog in our example is not to get treats does not mean we should avoid treats when working with fearful dogs. We are not using them to reward fearful behavior. Instead, we use treats as part of the process of counter conditioning to help dogs form new, positive associations with the scary thing, or to reinforce calm alternative behaviors.
For example, when I work with clients whose dogs bark and lunge on leash, whether from frustration or fear, treats are a core part of the training plan. The key is working under threshold. Even though the dog was not initially barking to get treats, using treats pre-emptively, before the barking starts and while the dog is able to think and learn effectively can help change how the dog feels about the presence of other dogs and reinforce calmer responses like checking in with the handler or disengaging from the trigger.
What if a dog growls at the vet?
Another common concern is whether stopping a procedure after a growl reinforces the growling. The answer is yes, and that is actually a good thing.
When a vet backs off after a growl, the dog learns through negative reinforcement that growling makes the uncomfortable thing stop. Growling is a valuable and appropriate communication signal that says, “I am scared, please stop.” Respecting that signal helps prevent bites.
A note on terminology: In behavior science, “negative” simply means the removal of something, not something bad or punitive. In this situation, the veterinarian removes their hands or tools, and the dog learns that growling successfully communicates discomfort.
When growls are ignored or punished, dogs may learn that warning signals are futile or unsafe to use. This can lead to dogs skipping warnings entirely and going straight to biting. Respecting a dog’s communication builds trust and keeps everyone safer.
What Actually Helps a Scared Dog
So now we are hopefully learning that comforting our scared dogs is ok to do in the moment. But what can actually help our dog to feel less scared in the future? The answer is gradual, systematic training that changes how the dog feels about the scary thing.
Counter conditioning and desensitization are the gold standard approaches. Counter conditioning pairs the scary stimulus with something the dog loves so that new, positive associations form. Desensitization involves exposing the dog to the trigger at a low enough intensity that fear does not overwhelm them, and then slowly increasing that intensity over time.
For a dog who is afraid of the vet, this might start with driving to the parking lot, giving treats, and leaving. Then it might progress to briefly entering the waiting room, meeting staff members in low pressure ways, and gradually building tolerance and confidence. Many veterinary clinics offer something called “happy visits,” which are built around this same principle. The dog comes into the clinic briefly, gets treats or friendly attention, and leaves without anything stressful happening. The goal is always to keep the dog under threshold while building positive associations.
This process takes time, patience, and thoughtful planning. It is not about pushing through fear or hoping the dog gets over it. It is about changing the emotional response at its root.
The Takeaway
The bottom line is this: you can absolutely comfort your scared dog. You will not make the fear worse. Comfort may help your dog cope in the moment. Lasting change comes from addressing the underlying fear through careful, compassionate training.
If your dog struggles with fear, anxiety, or reactivity, I can help. Together we can create a plan that helps your dog feel safer and more confident in the world.